


New Perspective

by raindropsonroses16



Category: Panic! at the Disco
Genre: Kinky boots, M/M, Mild Language, Why Ryan Left AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-23
Updated: 2017-07-23
Packaged: 2018-12-05 16:45:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,095
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11582109
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/raindropsonroses16/pseuds/raindropsonroses16
Summary: Ryan and Daniel went to see Brendon on Broadway, but Ryan didn't expect he'd spill his guts to his former best friend or that said former best friend would forgive him for all the shit he did.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: this is not real. This came from my imagination and if this is about you, please proceed with your own risk. I do use lyrics from Panic! At The Disco's New Perspective and William Beckett feat. Ryan Ross's Stuck in Love. I hope you like it. There will be a second chapter; I just have to write it.

My hands were trembling as I stood waiting for the doors to the theater to open. Daniel was standing beside me, playing on his phone. He was most likely taking a picture for Instagram as he is constantly on there. I could care less about social media ever since the Shane business happened.

“Dude, chill,” Daniel piped up seconds later. “I can almost hear you thinking. It is just a show. You’ve been to many before.”

I sighed before answering. “I haven’t been to a show of his in years, since I was in the band.” My phone suddenly chimed with a message.

**Unknown Number: hope you have the same number. Heard you were coming to NY. You should stop backstage afterwards, we’ll catch up. B.**

My heart skipped a beat as my eyes flew to Daniel. “Am I dreaming? Did he just text me?” I showed him the message.

“Ry, answer it. We’ll visit, be nice, but we aren’t staying long. I know how you are. I am not going down this path again.” Daniel gave me a knowing look. I knew what he was talking about. After the Halloween party in 2015, I stayed in my house for a week just hugging Dottie and drinking a shit ton of coffee because I wasn’t sleeping.

**Ryro: Daniel is with me too. We can’t stay long. Have a flight out tonight so I can get back to Dottie.**

**Bden: Your dog, right?**

**Ryro: Yeah, she has separation anxiety.**

Daniel’s eyes were on my phone as I quickly typed out my responses. Lies, actually, are what they were. Brendon had to know; he used to be able to read right through me.

The doors to the theater opened and Daniel pushed me through them, forcing my legs to work. In the window, I saw my reflection: my disheveled hair that is probably overdue for a haircut and one of the suits from touring during Pretty. Odd. that remarkably still fit. I, also, had a scarf around my neck even though its May because the guy I was with last night left marks across my neck. Daniel’s steady arm held my trembling body as he walked us to our seats. My phone chimed with one last message as I sat down.

**Bden: enjoy the show and I’ll find you afterwards!**

**Ryro: break a leg.**

After I sent the last message, Daniel stole my phone and silenced it. “No more texting him. The show is going to start. At least try to enjoy it, okay?” Daniel looked at me with eyes that told me that he meant it. Forget Esteban, I constantly thank God for Daniel. He has literally been my saving grace these past few years.

“I’m fine,” I mumbled, nervously picking at my fingers. “You don’t need to worry. I’ll enjoy the show.” My eyes stayed on my lap until the show started. It was okay, but when Brendon came on in high heels, all I could think about was the story about him losing a bet to someone and having to wear high heels. I chuckled quietly to myself until Daniel nudged my leg and gave me a ‘stop thinking’ look.

The rest of the show passed without incident and we stood up quietly after the curtains close. We walked towards the backstage area. While we waited, I fiddled with my phone, checking Twitter even though I knew I shouldn’t. My whole Twitter was blown up with questions about the show and Brendon. I read through half of them before a mass of arms connected around me and I smelled the familiar scent of sweat and vanilla. Brendon had used my deodorant on tour one time and decided it was the only thing he’d ever use again. Guess something never change.

"You look good, Ry,” he whispered in my ear before letting go. “You must be Daniel. I’m Brendon.” He shook Daniel’s hand.

“I know who you are,” Daniel said quietly. “Ryan, I’m going to check on those flights, don’t be long.” I knew he really meant he was going to check into the hotel we booked for a night. I hadn’t been to New York in years and Daniel thought it would help. My therapist agreed, so here we are. I nodded at him before he left.

Brendon turned his attention to me again. “How have things been? How’s life? Writing any music? How’d you like the show?”

“Too many questions,” I said loudly as I put my hand to my head to convey dizziness. “I’m fine, life is great as usual.” I knew my voice was dripping with sarcasm but I didn’t know if Brendon caught on. He was still hyped up on adrenaline from the show; I had seen him like this many times. I shook my head, trying to clear my head of the image.

“Ryan, please, I’m trying here. Forgive is my new motto. Any haunting ghosts from my past were forgiven. You look great, by the way.”

I sighed. “Well you look like a hot mess, but what’s new?”

His eyes sparkled. “Did you just call me hot?”

I groaned at his childishness, but some things never do change.

"You did, though. Anyway, come meet Sarah. I told her you’d be here,” Brendon said as he pulled me by the arm. “Have you listened to any of my new music?”

Of course, he’d ask. He was the one that was always about the fame. Rolling my eyes at him, I said, “No. I swore off social media. I didn’t even know you came out with another album.” Lies, lies, and more lies. Why do I put myself in this position? “Look, I told you I couldn’t stay long. I have a flight and Daniel will be looking for me.”

“Can you just meet Sarah first?”

“Bren, I’m not so sure that’s the greatest idea. Does she know?” My voice was starting to tremble and my hands were shaking. You came this far, don’t freak out, Ry.

Brendon finally looked at me when he heard his nickname. “Ryan, are you okay?”

I shook my head vigorously. “I need to get out of here.”

He nodded and steered me toward the closest exit. Once outside, I took several deep breaths and looked around. My hands were still trembling as I pulled at my scarf, taking it off to wrap it around my fingers. “I’m sorry, Brendon. I am working with my anxiety.”

“Don’t worry. Can I use your phone to text Sarah? I want to let her know that we won’t be coming back,” Brendon asked quietly, assuming I wouldn’t want to go back in. I passed my phone over and he shot off a quick text before handing it back to me. “How about we go for a walk?”

I nodded. He led us past the theater, down Broadway Street. We walked in silence for all of two minutes before I heard Brendon sigh.

“Does that happen often?”

“The panic attacks? More so in the last year. I’ve been separated from Dottie pretty often recently. She’s my rock, but Daniel tries to get me to go places all the time. This is the first time I let him drag me farther than a few hundred miles away from LA.” I reached up to scratch my neck, which brought Brendon’s attention to the hickies there. My hands quickly covered them, but he saw them before I could.

Brendon’s low chuckle sounded through the busy streets. “You never could hide the hickies. But seriously, how have you been?

I didn’t answer right away. Everything I thought of sounded like lies. “I’m…” I trailed off. “I’m hanging in there. What about you?”

“I just celebrated my fourth anniversary with Sarah last month,” he said with a shrug. “I’ve mainly been rehearsing and spending all my free time with Bogart and Penny, my dogs.”

“Well, congratulations.” I smiled down at him. We stood near a bar, waiting to cross the street.

He smiled back. “Do you want to go to my apartment and have a drink? Sarah said she was going out with a friend tonight. We’ll have to swing back by the theater first.” He headed in that direction before I could reply. We made it back within a few minutes. “Hang out here, I’ll be right back.”

I stood against the wall, pulling out a carton of cigarettes and pulling one out. My hands were only slightly shaking as I lit it and took a deep breath. I jumped when I heard a clambering noise near me, muttering a “fuck” as I almost drop my cigarette. Brendon suddenly appeared beside me, clutching a bag in his hands.

“Ready? My apartment is only a few blocks away.”

I nodded at him and stubbed out my cigarette. The walk was filled with silence. “How’s life in New York?” I asked as soon as we hit the elevator.

“Different from LA, but still quite enjoyable. This is my apartment.” He pointed to a door. Once the door was opened, I heard the telltale sign of scurrying feet. “Down guys. Come in, make yourself at home. I need to change.”

Brendon disappeared down the hall as I sat down on his couch. Two dogs jumped up into my lap demanding to be petted. My eyes involuntarily closed as I scratched both of their heads. “I see my dogs like you.” Brendon’s voice sounded far away.

I chuckled. “At least someone does,” I joked.

“Ry…” Brendon trailed off. “Open your hand.” I did as I was told and a cold drink was pressed into my hand. I gratefully accepted it, my eyes still closed as I brought it to my lips.

“One drink then I have to go, Bren,” I said, finally opening my eyes. I inwardly groaned when I noticed all Brendon was wearing was boxers. A closer inspection told me that they were my boxers.

“Ryan, I saw the text from Daniel saying he checked in at the hotel. Why did you lie to me?”

I actually did groan this time. “This is why. You hate me. All because of our fans.”

 Brendon’s eyebrows furrowed as I looked at him. “I can’t hate you. Yes, I was mad for a while because you left me and Spence. We were best friends. You could have talked to us instead of leaving in Cape Town. Yes, our fans blew everything out of proportion, but I’m not mad because of them. You didn’t tell me what was going on and that’s why I’m mad.”

“I couldn’t exactly tell you I was hopelessly in love with you.” The next thing I heard was glass hitting the ground. I turned to look at Brendon, but his eyes were wide, almost as wide as the day I met him. “Maybe I shouldn’t have said that. That’s why Daniel was with me. To stop me from being stupid.”

“No.” He got up and started cleaning up the mess. We were quiet until the mess was cleaned up. “I appreciate you telling me. I don’t know why you couldn’t have told me then. I wouldn’t have thought any different of you.”

A loud groan left my mouth as my head fell back against the couch. “It was better hiding my feelings. You didn’t need to know. We all agreed.”

“We?”

I opened my mouth just to close it again when I couldn’t think of the right words.

“You mean to tell me that Spencer and Jon knew.” It wasn’t a question but I knew the sheepish look on my face gave it away. Brendon stood up quickly, scaring one of his dogs off me. “Why couldn’t you tell me?”

“Spencer, Jon, and I agreed it was better for the band. I only left when everything became so unbearable. You have to know that I didn’t mean to hurt you.” What I really wanted to say was you could hear my true feelings in most of The Young Veins’ music and my solo music, but the words escaped me. My ears perked up when a cell phone started ringing. The tune was familiar but I didn’t catch on until I heard my voice crone _I never will_.

"That’s probably Spencer,” Brendon said nonchalantly.

My eyes snapped to his when I heard him speak. “Why do you have me singing as your ring tone?” What I really wanted to ask was: why is he still trying to hold onto me?

Brendon shrugged. “I liked the song. Bill and I are still friends, you know. I also wanted to keep a part of you with me.”

“You couldn’t do that with one of the songs I wrote? It had to be that song?” I practically yelled those words. “Brendon, I can’t be here anymore. I’ve got to go.” I stood up quickly, putting the bottle I held in my hand on an end table.

"Hey, wait. I’m not trying to start a fight, Ry,” Brendon said as he moved to grasp my wrist.

“Do not call me that. You lost that privilege when you blew up at me for leaving the band. And no, you are. You know I am sensitive about certain things. I’m going.” I turned to leave but his grip tightened. “Let go of me.”

Brendon pulled me closer to him until he pulled me into a hug. He didn’t say anything for a few minutes and just breathed against my neck. “I’m really sorry. I shouldn’t have been such an asshole.”

I scoffed at that and wrapped my arms around him. The skinny Brendon I knew wasn’t so skinny anymore. Like me, he had more muscle definition these days and looked more filled out. People wouldn’t try to stuff food down our throats anymore because they thought we didn’t eat. I pulled my head back to look at him. The words I planned to say were lost in my head as my eyes flickered down to his lips. This wouldn’t be the first time I’ve kissed him, but it would be different now that he knows my secret. “I’m giving you ten seconds to pull away,” I whispered, slowly leaning towards his lips. When he didn’t move, I crashed my lips against his and moved my hands to grip his hips.

Brendon was a good kisser when we were younger and he’s still a good kisser now. I opened my mouth wider and pushed my tongue out to swipe it across his lower lip. I moaned into his mouth when he opened his mouth, allowing me to push my tongue in. We kissed for a few minutes longer before he pulled back, breathing heavily.

“I’ve missed you, Ry.”

"I’ve missed you too, Bren,” I whispered in his ear. He moved us back to sitting on the couch, his head in my lap. “I was miserable these last couple of years. I’ve seen a total of…” I trailed off to count. “…seven therapists, I believe. In the span of like three years.”

Brendon looked up at me. His brown eyes gave me the same look they had when he’d find me in tears on the back of the bus for whatever reason. “I wish I could have been there. Maybe it wouldn’t have been as hellish on you.”

My answering shrug was half-hearted as I yawned. My eyes closed on their own and before long I was falling asleep. I woke up when Sarah quietly let herself in and headed to the bedroom after glancing at Brendon sleeping with his face pressed into my stomach.

                          ***                                              

I woke up to pounding on the door and quickly escaped to the bathroom as I heard a distinctly familiar yell, “B open up, right now!” Brendon had moved to his bed sometime during the night and I heard him grumbling as he went to open the door.

I jumped when I heard Zack yelling at Brendon for disappearing last night. Once I was done using the bathroom, I opened the door slightly to see Zack facing away from me. He was giving Brendon the third degree. Soft sounds of light feet sounded behind me, so I turned to spot Sarah coming up beside me.

“Zack was pretty pissed off last night that Brendon disappeared with barely a word. There were some pictures posted online last night that I’m not sure if Zack has seen or not.” She gave me a weak smile before passing her phone to me. On the phone were two pictures, one of me smoking outside the Kinky Boots Theater where Brendon was standing next to me, holding his bag and the other was of Brendon and me entering his apartment building. “The fans were going crazy.”

A sigh left my mouth as Zack spotted my jacket and shoes. “Brendon, who is here?” Zack’s commanding voice asked.

Brendon’s eyes flew to find Sarah beside me and he gave Zack one of his signature smirks. “No one that concerns you.”

Zack turned around, noticing that Brendon was looking behind him and spotted me. “Why is the asshole in your apartment?”

“Wait, wait, wait,” I said, holding my hands up in defense. “I had my reasons for leaving. Don’t call me an asshole without knowing them.”

“Sure you did.” Zack crossed his arms across his chest and gave me a defiant look. “Care to explain them?”

I shook my head and stood my ground. “Not like you care anyway. You never liked me.” Part of me hoped Zack would drop the subject, but another part of me hoped he would try and pursue it because I would tell him the truth. My days of lying and hiding my feelings were over with.

Zack just stared at me. “I’m going to leave to go get some breakfast. Brendon, I hope you are dressed and ready to go to the theater by then and that he’s gone.”

“No. You don’t get to decide who is in my life and not. You weren’t here last night. You have no idea what he told me to explain why he left,” Brendon said, scoffing.

“Did he tell you he loved you? I’ve heard that one before. Don’t believe a word he says.”

I stared open-mouthed at Zack as he walked out the door. Brendon turned to me with an innocent look in his eyes. Nothing I was going to say would be able to change what just happened. “I should probably go.” I gathered up my things and started toward the door when Sarah’s voice stopped me.

“Don’t go just yet. I would like to get to know you. Zack’s just being an asshole because Brendon ran off on him.” Sarah gave me a sympathetic smile. “Brendon, go do your things so Zack doesn’t yell any more when he gets back. I’ll take Ryan out into New York. Zack will be less of an asshole if he’s not around.” She got ready quickly and we were soon out on the streets of New York.

I looked over at her, with my sunglasses on to conceal my identity. “Brendon often forgets we’ve met twice. I was still in the band when Hayley brought you to the concert.”

Sarah smiled slightly and took a deep breath before she started speaking again. “You know, when you left the band, Brendon was a mess. You were his best friend. I’m not saying you didn’t have your reasons, but I almost couldn’t help him. Neither of us could help Spencer, but Linda has done a tremendous job with him. I know you have had your struggles, too, but I hope you two can get along now. You two need each other.”

“I didn’t know all of that. I mean, I heard about Spencer’s addiction, but I wasn’t in touch with them. I adopted Dottie as a way to cope with my struggles. Music really helped me too,” I said. My eyes traveled to the people walking around us.

 We stopped in front of a café and I opened the door. Sarah ordered an iced coffee while I ordered a Café Mocha. Once we both had our drinks, we sat down. “Tell me about what you’ve been doing these past few years.”

I looked up at her with wide eyes. “I’ve been writing some new music. I actually decided to go back to college and get my degree in creative writing. Last year, I graduated with a Bachelor’s. Mainly I’ve been hanging out with Dan and Z. I did go to an Emo Night recently,” I rambled out.

“You should have told all this to B. I’m sure he would have loved to know,” Sarah said while smiling.

“We kind of had other things to talk about last night.”

She nodded, as if knowing what I was talking about. “I know. How you were in love with him. Brendon mumbles in his sleep. The most of what I heard was that you loved him.” Oh. Okay, maybe she does know. Seriously, does this girl I’ve met now three times read right through me?

“Yeah, that. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to dump all that on him last night. It kind of came out.” My hands started shaking. When I noticed, I stuffed them under my thighs, hoping Sarah wouldn’t notice.

“We all knew, but B. I think he was in denial that he was in love with you for a while too. I mean, after you left, you were all he could talk about for the first six months.” She picked up her drink and took a sip.

My phone vibrated in my pocket and I pulled it out. 

**Dan The Man: Dude flight in 2 hours. Don’t be late.**

Getting his message made me check the time. “I’m sorry, Sarah. It was nice talking with you, but I really have to go. I have a flight in two hours. Dan would kill me if I’m late.” I got up and rushed out of the café. My whole life, or well since I left Panic! At The Disco, had been a mess. I wasn’t able to write music anymore because it felt like I was only pushing out songs for my fans, which had made me take up writing a novel. I had yet to finish it though. I hailed a cab outside the café and told the cab driver to take me to the airport.

I stared out the window as I revisited what had happened in the last twenty-four hours. I had gone to see Brendon on Broadway, willingly. I had told him why I left the band, or at least one of the reasons. I had kissed him. I made him cheat on his wife, whom he loved dearly. Clearly, I am a mess. I remembered watching one of Zack’s Periscopes, although I’m not entirely sure how I ended up there, but someone had commented that I was a train wreck. He defended me, but little did Zack know, I am a train wreck. I pulled out my phone and shot off a quick text. The answer was nearly immediate and brought a smile to my face.

**Ryro: I want to live my life from a new perspective.**

**Bden: The paralyzing truth is living even one minute without you is a moment I'd rather not have to live to see.**


	2. Chapter 2

A lot had happened since I arrived back in LA several months ago. 1. The whole fan-base from Panic! At The Disco went crazy when I adopted a Husky puppy and named her Bambi, which was totally not on purpose. Brendon actually named her and he knew it would throw everyone for a loop. 2. Jon mysteriously tweeted something about big news and then retracted the statement. 3. Brendon and Sarah got divorced. 4. We were planning a short reunion concert in Chicago for the 10-year anniversary of Pretty.Odd. 5. Brendon had moved into my house without alerting the fans.

“Hey Spence,” I called as I heard Brendon open the door. Bambi was curled up in my lap. “Come meet Bambi!”

Spencer laughed as he came around the couch to say hello. “You guys just had to go and have a dog named Bambi, didn’t you?

Brendon laughed and gave Spencer his shit-eating grin. He pulled a couple of beers out of the fridge and came to sit down beside me. “Have we told you what we’re planning?”

“Bren, I caught him up weeks ago. Spencer and I still talk, you know. You were still on Broadway when I met up with Spence.” My hand absentmindedly stroked Bambi’s head. The shaking had stopped nearly two months ago now, as had my panic attacks. My last therapist finally recommended medicine and I had been happily living my life since Brendon came back after being in New York. “We’re going to see how it goes with practices. I told Spencer if he can’t do it, Dan would happily fill in for him.”

“I’m going to try,” Spencer said, just as my front door crashed open and slammed into the wall. “Um, Ry, what?”

Z’s face came into view and she frowned slightly at the people sitting in my living room. She had gotten used to Brendon being around, but I knew it was weird for her to see Spencer. This is the first time he’s been to my house in a really long time. “Well, hello, company. Ryan, I’m crashing in your room. Dan has some guy over right now and I can’t get any fucking sleep.” Without another word, she sauntered off to my bedroom and closed the door.

“That was Z Berg,” I said as Brendon gave me a ‘what the fuck’ look. “Oh yeah, forgot to mention Dan is bisexual too.”

“Seems a lot has happened in the last nine years,” Spencer commented. “Anything else I’m missing?”

I thought for a second before I answered him. “Z Berg and I dated. That didn’t last. I adopted Dottie. I released new music. I did some drugs. I fucked Dan a couple of times, which didn’t last long. We were better as friends. I made Brendon cheat on his wife. He divorced her, moved in with me, and we adopted Bambi. We only got Bogart after the divorced. Sarah refuses to talk to us. Zack wants to kill me. I think that about sums up the last nine years.”

Spencer looked at me for a second before bursting out in laughter. “Seems just like another day in the life of Ryan Ross. When is Jon supposed to be getting here?”

“Jon texted me a little while ago and said he’d be here in a couple of hours. He and Cassie were making sure their daughter got a nap before coming over here,” I said. “Now, let’s get down to business. Songs for the Chicago show.”

“And Brendon, no changing the lyrics, like you did in Norway,” Spencer commented. “I better get a fucking microphone. I swear Chicago was the only time I ever got one.”

Brendon shrugged at him. “Dude, everyone thought it was hilarious. Okay, maybe Ryan didn’t, but still. I’ll try not to change the lyrics.” I saw the wheels working in his brain, calculating how he could change the lyrics without pissing anyone off.

We continued discussing the set for the next couple of hours, with me writing things down in my old beat up notebook, until the doorbell rang. I opened the door to see Jon, Cassie, and their daughter on the other side. I knew my whole face lit up when I threw my arms around Jon. “It’s been way too long,” I said, my words muffled by his hair.

Jon chuckled. “You could have come out to Chicago.”

“There was too much going on. Now, come in. We’re discussing the set. We’ve decided on a few songs, but we need your help too.”

“What have we got so far?” Jon asked.

Brendon grabbed my notebook and squinted to decipher my handwriting. “Lying, Northern Downpour, When The Day Met The Night, This Is Gospel, and Time to Dance. Ryan wants you to sing Maybe I Will, Maybe I Won’t, but we wanted to check with you first. I think that’s all we have. Chicago said we could have seventeen or eighteen songs. And we’re at six.”

“What about Camisado, That Green Gentleman, Sins, and Mad as Rabbits also?” Jon looked over at me. “Maybe we could add in Cape Town or Change? What about a new one, Ryan?”

My eyes snapped to him. “I haven’t actually been writing songs. I started on a novel at the beginning of the year, but things got in the way.”

“So ten, now. Any more?” Brendon asked, adding to the notebook. “Ooh, we could do Behind The Sea, Nine in the Afternoon, Pas De Cheval, and There’s a Good Reason. That’s fifteen, including the new song. Do you want to do Cape Town and Change?”

I shrugged. “I can sing them. Jon’s backing vocals on those, so Brendon you would just be there looking pretty.”

"So we’ve got Lying, Northern Downpour, When The Day Met The Night, Gospel, Time to Dance, Camisado, Maybe I will, Maybe I Won’t, Sins, That Green Gentleman, Mad as Rabbits, Cape Town, Change, Behind the Sea, Nine In The Afternoon, Pas De Cheval, There’s a Good Reason, and we can do Miss Jackson?” Brendon recapped. “Is that correct?”

I counted in my head as he spoke. “That’s seventeen. I think we decided how it’s going to be. Jon, if you and Cassie want to stay here for a while, you guys can. We’re hoping to come back to Chicago on March 25th. That’s when the show is. I have many guestrooms, just as long as you don’t bother Z. She’s asleep in my room right now.”

Jon and Cassie smiled and thanked me. They left to go back to their hotel. Spencer stayed a little longer before he left to go back to Linda. Z finally came out of my room when Spencer was leaving and announced that she was going to continue staying with me. As she didn’t know what was going on between Brendon and me, we silently agreed that Brendon would stay in one of the guest bedrooms. I curled up in my bed that night, wrapping myself around Z for warmth. I fell asleep for a little while, but slipped out of my bed and into Brendon’s when I awoke in the middle of the night. Brendon sighed in his sleep and we curled around each other.

***                      

I woke up the next morning to my face in Brendon’s hair. I stretched slightly, waking up Brendon in the process. He turned around to look at me and smiled.

"Good morning. This is a nice surprise,” he said.

I smiled wider. “It wasn’t the same sleeping in the same bed as Z.” I leaned forward and kissed his lips. My hand wound through his hand and pulled him even closer. Brendon sighed into the kiss and opened his mouth to push his tongue forward. Opening my mouth, I rolled us so he was under me. I was caught up in the moment of grinding down on Brendon that I didn’t hear the door open, nor did I hear the camera click.

“You should be more discreet if you didn’t want me to know,” I heard Z’s voice, too close for comfort. I flew off Brendon, separating our lips with a loud smack and stood at the end of the bed with a sheepish smile on my face. Brendon just lounged on the bed, raising his one leg to conceal his erection from what was started.

Z turned to go out of the bedroom and I followed her. “Z, wait. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. We actually haven’t told anyone. But Sarah and Zack. They both knew.”

“I don’t want to hear it. I’m your best friend, Ryro. You should have mentioned it,” she said, looking down at her phone. I could hear my phone buzz from the living room. I rushed to get it to see a message from Daniel.

**Dan The Man: what the fuck man. Did you really think you could keep that from me?**

**Ryro: Look, we didn’t want anyone to know yet.**

**Dan The Man: bullshit man.**

I threw my phone on the couch and looked up at Z in anger. “What did you send him?”

“Just a picture. You can’t tell it’s Brendon, but Dan knew. He knows you too well, Ry.” Z smirked at me. “It may have ended up on Instagram too.”

“Fuck you, Z. Seriously, fuck you. Get out!” I screamed at her. “Get the fuck out of my house.”

Brendon came out of the guest bedroom to see me fuming in anger just as Z slammed my front door. “Ryan, it’s fine. We knew it would happen eventually. I’m happy it’s out. I can stop lying to Dallon, Kenny, and Dan.”

“Brendon, this isn’t how it was supposed to be!” I screamed. My phone started to ring. I picked it up, screaming a “what” into it.

 _“Ryan, are you okay?”_ Spencer’s voice came through the phone. I heard Linda tell him to say she said hello in the background.

I took a deep breath and plastered on a smile. “I’m fine. Are we supposed to be meeting today?”

Spencer paused for a second. _“No. I was calling because I saw the picture Z posted. She tagged you in it. I just wanted to make sure you were okay. It’s been a while since something like this happened.”_

“I’m fine, Spence, just angry. Z had no right to post that.” I lifted my head to look at Brendon. He smiled at me warmly and placed Bambi in my lap.

 _“If you’re sure. By the way, you made me lose a bet to Jon,”_ Spencer said.

Anger began to flow through me again. “What fucking bet, Spencer James Smith?”

His chuckle came through the phone as I heard Linda shout that they all knew it. _“Jon bet me that Sarah and Brendon divorced because you two were having an affair. I obviously thought Sarah and Brendon split for something else. I did just see them not too long ago in New York.”_

"Fuck you guys. Bye Spencer. I’ll talk to you later,” I said as I hung up on him. Brendon came over and brushed his hand over my cheek. Without saying anything, he pulled me back toward my bedroom, pulling at my clothes as we walked.

***

We managed to keep the reunion concert in Chicago a secret even when tickets went on sale. The fans believed Dallon, Kenny, and Dan would be at the concert. Somehow, though, even with Z’s picture, Brendon and I were able to keep our relationship between the band and Zack. Everything went smoothly for the concert even sound check.

“GOOD EVENING CHICAGO!” Brendon yelled into his microphone. We had Dallon, Kenny, and Dan on the stage with Brendon. “It’s so good to be here. I do have a surprise for you Chicago. Ten years ago today, we had an album come out. You might know it by the name of Pretty.Odd.”

I smiled at Spencer as the crowd screamed. Brendon looked over at the side of the stage, which was our cue.

"My surprise is something you’ll love. So let’s welcome Mister Ryan Ross, Mister Spencer Smith, and Mister Jon Walker!” As we rushed out, the fans continued to scream. I took the guitar from Kenny, which was actually one of mine. Jon did the same with Dallon’s bass and Spencer switched with Dan. “We’re Panic! At The Disco and we’re here to play some songs!”

“This song may be familiar to you guys as one from the Young Veins, but Jon and I wanted to play it for you. This song is called Cape Town!” I said into my microphone. Spencer started the drumbeat as I counted us out. _“Took you in the vineyard a couple hours after I met you. Didn't need my passport said I'd let you keep it forever.”_

Brendon played his guitar as I sang the lyrics. Jon, as he did in The Young Veins, provided the back up vocals. Once the song was finished, we shifted back to a Panic! At The Disco song. I smiled over at Brendon as he started the intro to Miss Jackson. Jon and I would provide the backing vocals on songs that Kenny and Dallon usually do. Brendon kept glancing at me and sang his heart out.

“Alright Chicago. This song is an old one, but a good one. Can you guys guess?” Jon said into the mic. We heard some shouting. “I think you guys did. This is called I Write Sins Not Tragedies!”

We played Sins like we normally would. I had stayed close to my side as I knew Brendon was planning something for Lying as he pushed for it to be the last song. My mind drifted back to his Perfect Passionate Kiss skit and for some reason, I believed that was what he was going to do. The song ended too quickly.

“This next one is a hard one for me to play. I hope you guys sing along with me. This is called Northern Downpour!” Brendon said. _“If all our life is but a dream, Fantastic posing greed then we should feed our jewelry to the sea. For diamonds do appear to be, just like broken glass to me and then she said she can't believe g_ _enius only comes along in storms of fabled foreign tongues, tripping eyes and flooded lungs. Northern downpour sends its love.”_ Brendon looked at me mouthing, ‘I love you, Ross,’ before continuing with the chorus.

 _"Hey moon, please forget to fall down. Hey moon, don’t you go down,”_ we both sang. I continued afterwards with, _“Sugarcane in the easy morning, weather vanes my one and lonely.”_

Brendon continued on with the song and I provided my vocals where needed. The concert continued smoothly. We continued to play older songs, songs from The Young Veins, and a couple of new Panic songs.

“This is going to be our last song, Chicago. You guys have been great!” Jon said into the mic.

“Have you ever dreamt, that you were running through a sunflower field, while cotton candy clouds were dancing across a crystal blue sky? Your lover is running towards you and you embrace for that perfect, passionate kiss…” Brendon trailed off as he walked over to me. His eyes were trained on me and he wound his fingers through my hair. A smile found it’s way to my face as Brendon pulled me into him and crashed his lips against my own. He kissed me a couple of times before pulling back and saying into my microphone, “But this is actually is that dream. Our last song can wait a few seconds.”

He took the microphone off the stand and stood in front of me. Brendon fished into his pocket for a second and pulled something out. “I know we have had our ups and downs in the last couple of years. Ryan Ross, we’ve been best friends for years. I’m sorry I was mad, but I got over it. I was a mess these last couple of years. When you came back into my life, I couldn’t have been happier.” He took a breath and I heard some screaming. He dropped down to one knee and opened whatever was in his hand to reveal a pure silver band. “Ryan Ross, I have been in love with you since 2005. Would you do me the honor of becoming my husband?”

I slapped a hand over my mouth and smiled while I felt a few tears fall down my face. I knew he had been divorced since June, but they put on a show for the time they were in New York. I nodded, saying yes, but getting drowned out by the audience screaming. Brendon slipped the ring onto my finger and got up to kiss me. I wound my arms around his waist, pulling him as close as the two guitars we were wearing would allow.

“Now that Brendon has confessed his love for Ryan Ross, but let’s be real, who doesn’t love Ryan Ross?” Jon said, smiling when the screams happened again. “This last song is called Lying Is The Most Fun A Girl Can Have Without Taking Her Clothes Off.”

Brendon pulled away from me and placed my mic back. He continued on with the song. Toward the end of the song, we did what we used to do during the Pretty.Odd. tour.

 _“Na na na na na hey hey hey goodbye!”_ We all sang into the microphones. _“Na na na na na hey hey hey goodbye!”_

Spencer continued playing while Brendon smashed his guitar on the ground a couple of times. I threw my guitar in the air and watched it land. Jon set his bass down gently, obviously not in the same mood we were. Spencer stopped playing and stepped away from the drums as Jon said into the mic, “We’re Panic! At The Disco and we were happy to be here Chicago! Have a good night!”

Once we were off the stage, all arms went around Brendon and me. I heard several congratulations in the noise. Zack walked up to me and smiled. “I’m glad you both finally admitted it. Congrats, man. I wish the best for you two.” Zack hugged me and then walked over to Brendon.

***

I stood beside Spencer, freaking out. “What if—“

Spencer cut me off. “George Ryan Ross the third, he loves you, it’ll be alright.”

My eyes dropped to my shoes. I was currently wearing a black suit, waiting for Brendon to show up at the altar. I looked up and looked over at the crowd to see all our friends waiting with me. The music started and Brendon showed up at the doors in a stunning white suit. His dad was walking him down the aisle. His parents, though they didn’t like it at first, accepted the fact that their son was marrying the boy that stole him away from them.

I took a deep breath as Brendon walked down the aisle and once his hand was in mine, I squeezed it. We both wore matching smiles. We were ready to start our life together. I love Brendon Boyd Urie with all my heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I used lyrics from Cape Town by The Young Veins and Northern Downpour by Panic At The Disco. All song titles belong to their respective bands. Also, this is fiction. But this is how I hope next year will go with a renion concert (not the ending, but yeah). Also, the boys belong to themselves; I just used their names and personalities.
> 
> I hope you guys enjoy it. I enjoyed writing this.


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